I wanted to mention this here so I don't forget it, although I don't expect to be able to make any sense of it, nor do I think any of my friends will have particular insight. If you do, however, let me know.
I don't exactly remember the visual of the dream I was having last night. However, I do remember dreaming that I smelled coffee. The sensation was so vivid that I remember thinking that Patrick had gotten up and made coffee for me, something he does not do. I laid there in bed, still in my dream state, thinking that coffee was brewing. But when I came to full awareness, there was no coffee. So what was the coffee dream about?
I wish I knew, because I've had it before, but not for a long time. The last time I had it, and I remember this very well, was around Valentine's day in 1995. Before that, I remember driving through the Ft. McHenry tunnel one time and being struck by the scent of coffee, but there was no coffee in the car and I certainly wasn't driving through Colombia (the country!) ...just under the harbor.
So yeah, coffee. Weird.
Monday, October 13, 2008
The state of things
Feeling a bit pissy today, to be honest. Graded a bunch of midterm exams and am feeling like most of my students don't give a damn. There are a few, God love 'em, who do care about improving their skills and their minds. But most of them can't look past Myspace, video games, junk food, and their libidos. I am going to have to give a number of U midterm grades, more than I've ever had to give. And if there were something I could do to make them care about that, I'd gladly do it.
Usually, when returning a test, I go over the answers with the whole class. But this time, I've decided to sit down one-on-one with each student and talk to them about their class progress. And you wouldn't believe some of the responses I get. A couple of them just did NOT care about a failing grade. Others simply said that they hadn't done the homework and that theyhad expected the less than wonderful grade that they received. Truthfully, I think that they actually don't think that I'll post U midterm grades...that I'm too nice for that or something. Well, guess what...after I finish this post, I'm going to post midterm grades and those U grades will be there if they are deserved.
Am I getting crochety in my old age? I used to have such hope...such a feeling that what I do matters somehow. Looking at the apathy in these kids' eyes, I feel my hope eroding. They do not care. They.Do.Not.Care. And I can't do the caring for them. As I told one of them, "I'm not your psychologist and I'm not your mother." I just want to know why they're in school if they are going to act this way.
I know I have SOME positive effect on SOME kids' lives. But for every Jay or Patricia there is a Frankie or a Taylor who doesn't give a shit.
I suppose it could be worse. But right now I'm just bummed.
Ok, let me cheer myself up.
On a positive note, I had an active weekend...circled the Peake, went to the Renaissance Festival, and spent yesterday getting my act together here at home and playing with my pups. Today, burned a record 650 calories at the gym, met the aforementioned apathy angels, and then had lunch in Dover with my dear sweet mom, whom I love so very much. Mom and I went to Target after lunch, where she bought me a new shirt because she didn't like the one I had on. I love her. Now it's almost 4:30, I'm home, and I have time to write. I'm grateful for all of that.
I have a mix CD in my car with some of my all-time favorites on it. I'm going to put the lyrics from a couple of those songs here, because they inspire me and make me want to strive for more.
Plowed, by Sponge
Will I wake up
A dream I made up
No I guess it's reality
What will change us
Or will we mess up
Our only chance to connect
With a dream
Say a prayer for me
I'm buried by the sound
In a world of human wreckage
I'm lost and I'm found
And I can't touch the ground
I'm plowed into the sound
To see wide open
With a head that's broken
Hang a life on a tragedy
Plow me under the ground that covers
the message that is the seed
Well, if you read these words without hearing the song, you might not get the power and the soaring inspiration that is contained here. Right now, this is how I feel: the world is a mess (a "world of human wreckage" as they say) and yet there's hope. The word "hope" always intrigues me: from the Latin "espere", it means not only to think of better things, but to wait. There's an implicit message of patience in the word "hope". Sometimes I think the waiting part of hope is a little pathetic, like I'm waiting for Godot or something, or waiting for a blind date who's never going to show up. Waiting for a better tomorrow that will never come. But then I'm inspired by the faith part of the word...the KNOWING that better things are coming. Hope. I think that's where Barack Obama got me...he talks about hope, and I think he understands the depth of the word. God help me, I hope he wins on 11/4.
The second inspirational song is "People Have the Power" by Patti Smith.
I was dreaming in my dreaming of an aspect bright and fair
and my sleeping it was broken but my dream it lingered near
in the form of shining valleys where the pure air recognized
and my senses newly opened I awakened to the cry
People have the power...
people have the power to redeem the work of fools
upon the meek the graces shower
it's decreed the people rule
People have the power...
Vengeful aspects became suspectand bending low as if to hear
and the armies ceased advancing because the people had their ear
and the shepherds and the soldiers lay beneath the stars
exchanging visions and laying arms to waste in the dust
in the form of shining valleys where the pure air recognized
and my senses newly opened
I awakened to the cry
People have the power...
Where there were deserts I saw fountains
like cream the waters rise
and we strolled there together with none to laugh or criticize
and the leopard and the lamb lay together truly bound
I was hoping in my hoping to recall what I had found
I was dreaming in my dreaming
God knows a purer view
as I surrender to my sleeping I commit my dream to you
People have the power...
The power to dream
to rule
to wrestle the earth from fools
it's decreed the people rule
LISTEN
I believe everything we dream
can come to pass through our union
we can turn the world around
we can turn the earth's revolution
we have the power
People have the power....
Oh my God, this song makes me soar in my heart. Call me a Utopian...I don't care. I think we can have a better world. I believe it, truly. I don't want to think that with all the wonderful human spirit there is, that we are so dissolute that we'll waste it all. I can't believe that. I won't believe it. I don't know what it's going to take to make a just and fair world, and I feel frustrated sometimes because I'm just one little English professor in a rural community college...what effect can I have? But I have to try. I just have to. Life doesn't make any sense otherwise. I mean, why live? Why walk the earth? So you can have lots of money and pleasure and comfort? I like money and pleasure and comfort as much as the next person, but I'd like to think that I wouldn't sell my soul to get it. I really don't think that the world was created as a zero-sum game...there's enough goodness for everybody to have some. Does that make me naive, crazy, or a communist? I don't think so. None of the above. I'm just someone whose heart aches for better days, and who feels that those better days are ahead of us.
Still with me? Love somebody today. Kiss the person who most aches for your kiss. Give a hug to someone who's not expecting it. Do a favor for someone who's down on his luck, or maybe just someone who's in need of a kindness. Rub your doggie or your kitty's belly. Go stand in the sunshine and look at the colors of the sunset. Feel something. Listen. It's in the wind. Hope.
Usually, when returning a test, I go over the answers with the whole class. But this time, I've decided to sit down one-on-one with each student and talk to them about their class progress. And you wouldn't believe some of the responses I get. A couple of them just did NOT care about a failing grade. Others simply said that they hadn't done the homework and that theyhad expected the less than wonderful grade that they received. Truthfully, I think that they actually don't think that I'll post U midterm grades...that I'm too nice for that or something. Well, guess what...after I finish this post, I'm going to post midterm grades and those U grades will be there if they are deserved.
Am I getting crochety in my old age? I used to have such hope...such a feeling that what I do matters somehow. Looking at the apathy in these kids' eyes, I feel my hope eroding. They do not care. They.Do.Not.Care. And I can't do the caring for them. As I told one of them, "I'm not your psychologist and I'm not your mother." I just want to know why they're in school if they are going to act this way.
I know I have SOME positive effect on SOME kids' lives. But for every Jay or Patricia there is a Frankie or a Taylor who doesn't give a shit.
I suppose it could be worse. But right now I'm just bummed.
Ok, let me cheer myself up.
On a positive note, I had an active weekend...circled the Peake, went to the Renaissance Festival, and spent yesterday getting my act together here at home and playing with my pups. Today, burned a record 650 calories at the gym, met the aforementioned apathy angels, and then had lunch in Dover with my dear sweet mom, whom I love so very much. Mom and I went to Target after lunch, where she bought me a new shirt because she didn't like the one I had on. I love her. Now it's almost 4:30, I'm home, and I have time to write. I'm grateful for all of that.
I have a mix CD in my car with some of my all-time favorites on it. I'm going to put the lyrics from a couple of those songs here, because they inspire me and make me want to strive for more.
Plowed, by Sponge
Will I wake up
A dream I made up
No I guess it's reality
What will change us
Or will we mess up
Our only chance to connect
With a dream
Say a prayer for me
I'm buried by the sound
In a world of human wreckage
I'm lost and I'm found
And I can't touch the ground
I'm plowed into the sound
To see wide open
With a head that's broken
Hang a life on a tragedy
Plow me under the ground that covers
the message that is the seed
Well, if you read these words without hearing the song, you might not get the power and the soaring inspiration that is contained here. Right now, this is how I feel: the world is a mess (a "world of human wreckage" as they say) and yet there's hope. The word "hope" always intrigues me: from the Latin "espere", it means not only to think of better things, but to wait. There's an implicit message of patience in the word "hope". Sometimes I think the waiting part of hope is a little pathetic, like I'm waiting for Godot or something, or waiting for a blind date who's never going to show up. Waiting for a better tomorrow that will never come. But then I'm inspired by the faith part of the word...the KNOWING that better things are coming. Hope. I think that's where Barack Obama got me...he talks about hope, and I think he understands the depth of the word. God help me, I hope he wins on 11/4.
The second inspirational song is "People Have the Power" by Patti Smith.
I was dreaming in my dreaming of an aspect bright and fair
and my sleeping it was broken but my dream it lingered near
in the form of shining valleys where the pure air recognized
and my senses newly opened I awakened to the cry
People have the power...
people have the power to redeem the work of fools
upon the meek the graces shower
it's decreed the people rule
People have the power...
Vengeful aspects became suspectand bending low as if to hear
and the armies ceased advancing because the people had their ear
and the shepherds and the soldiers lay beneath the stars
exchanging visions and laying arms to waste in the dust
in the form of shining valleys where the pure air recognized
and my senses newly opened
I awakened to the cry
People have the power...
Where there were deserts I saw fountains
like cream the waters rise
and we strolled there together with none to laugh or criticize
and the leopard and the lamb lay together truly bound
I was hoping in my hoping to recall what I had found
I was dreaming in my dreaming
God knows a purer view
as I surrender to my sleeping I commit my dream to you
People have the power...
The power to dream
to rule
to wrestle the earth from fools
it's decreed the people rule
LISTEN
I believe everything we dream
can come to pass through our union
we can turn the world around
we can turn the earth's revolution
we have the power
People have the power....
Oh my God, this song makes me soar in my heart. Call me a Utopian...I don't care. I think we can have a better world. I believe it, truly. I don't want to think that with all the wonderful human spirit there is, that we are so dissolute that we'll waste it all. I can't believe that. I won't believe it. I don't know what it's going to take to make a just and fair world, and I feel frustrated sometimes because I'm just one little English professor in a rural community college...what effect can I have? But I have to try. I just have to. Life doesn't make any sense otherwise. I mean, why live? Why walk the earth? So you can have lots of money and pleasure and comfort? I like money and pleasure and comfort as much as the next person, but I'd like to think that I wouldn't sell my soul to get it. I really don't think that the world was created as a zero-sum game...there's enough goodness for everybody to have some. Does that make me naive, crazy, or a communist? I don't think so. None of the above. I'm just someone whose heart aches for better days, and who feels that those better days are ahead of us.
Still with me? Love somebody today. Kiss the person who most aches for your kiss. Give a hug to someone who's not expecting it. Do a favor for someone who's down on his luck, or maybe just someone who's in need of a kindness. Rub your doggie or your kitty's belly. Go stand in the sunshine and look at the colors of the sunset. Feel something. Listen. It's in the wind. Hope.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
La musique d'aujourdhui
Tunes running around my head, through my ears, over my heart today...
"It Feels So Good"--Sonique
"Plowed"--Sponge (one of my favorite songs ever in life, ever ever)
"Brown Eyed Girl"--Van Morrison
"Human Love"--Dirty Vegas
"The Way You Love Me"--Colton Ford
"Insomnia"--Faithless
Well, that's a strange mix of Hippo and Hammerjacks, isn't it? LOL!!
One of my colleagues is the fabulous Dr. Ed Baker, who's been teaching here at Chesapeake since it was founded, I think. He's a big lively storyteller with loving words for everyone he meets, and I can only aspire to be as openhearted as he is. Anyway, he was telling me this morning that in his classes, he asks his students to come up with a "passion name" for themselves...the name that they would be called if they got to choose a name...something reflective of their personalities. Hm. I thought about that for a hot minute, and realized that if I could pick a passion name, it would be FRANCESCA. I have always loved that name. It sounds like champagne or sunshine or something. I would love for that to be my name. But I guess I've been Andree a little too long...Andree is stuck to me like glue. It would seem vacuous to change my name at this point. I feel like I could start my life over if my name were Francesca. But I have the life I have as Andree, and that's what stays.
Gotta get ready for class.
"It Feels So Good"--Sonique
"Plowed"--Sponge (one of my favorite songs ever in life, ever ever)
"Brown Eyed Girl"--Van Morrison
"Human Love"--Dirty Vegas
"The Way You Love Me"--Colton Ford
"Insomnia"--Faithless
Well, that's a strange mix of Hippo and Hammerjacks, isn't it? LOL!!
One of my colleagues is the fabulous Dr. Ed Baker, who's been teaching here at Chesapeake since it was founded, I think. He's a big lively storyteller with loving words for everyone he meets, and I can only aspire to be as openhearted as he is. Anyway, he was telling me this morning that in his classes, he asks his students to come up with a "passion name" for themselves...the name that they would be called if they got to choose a name...something reflective of their personalities. Hm. I thought about that for a hot minute, and realized that if I could pick a passion name, it would be FRANCESCA. I have always loved that name. It sounds like champagne or sunshine or something. I would love for that to be my name. But I guess I've been Andree a little too long...Andree is stuck to me like glue. It would seem vacuous to change my name at this point. I feel like I could start my life over if my name were Francesca. But I have the life I have as Andree, and that's what stays.
Gotta get ready for class.
Thursday
Not a whole lot to say today. I'm wondering if anyone reads this, or if I'm just writing to please myself. Maybe I shouldn't care. After all, the pleasure is in the creation of the words, not in the audience's reaction to them. I love writing. I love the feel of the keys underneath my fingers and the lightning connection to my brain. When I get on a roll, it's like I'm almost not thinking about it...the thoughts get composed so instantaneously that I can barely move my fingers fast enough to get them down. I love that. Years ago there was a book called "Flow" that described this phenomenon perfectly. I forget who the author was except that he had a very long Polish name. (Sorry to all of my Polish readers. LOL! Actually I do have one Polish reader...probably my only reader! Love you Kath!)
Quick gratitudes and then I'm off to the gym:
I'm grateful for:
Quick gratitudes and then I'm off to the gym:
I'm grateful for:
- my health (blood tests for foot surgery show that I have really good blood!)
- my excellent, witty podiatrist
- the gym being right here on campus
- that it's THURSDAY already
- a busy, productive, extra-money weekend coming up
- the fact that my feelings about things are so profound...I'd rather be alive than sleepwalking through my life
- possibilities
- love
- friendship
- the purple evening coming up on Monday!
Love. Peace out. All that.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Calmer seas
Thought I'd take a few minutes before my 10am class to write a few things. Been very angsty these last few days, but woke up feeling calmer today. I mean, there's always a roiling sea inside of me, but today there's a bit of a lull. Maybe today will be a happy compromise between a tropical storm and the doldrums...(ok, let me just wear out that nautical metaphor!)
Gratitudes:
So yeah, that's it for now...no fabulous revelations today. The fabulous revelator has the day off.
Gratitudes:
- I'm grateful to my husband for fixing dinner last night...it was especially wonderful after the loooong day I had
- I'm grateful for my office, and the tranquility it provides
- I'm grateful for spontaneous friends, both old and new
- I'm grateful for a full night's sleep
- I'm grateful for this delicious cantaloupe that I'm eating for breakfast as I write this
- I'm grateful to U2 for providing a fantastic soundtrack to my life
So yeah, that's it for now...no fabulous revelations today. The fabulous revelator has the day off.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Catching up
My intention is to post on here everyday, but sometimes life gets in the way. And I'm not exactly famous for my consistency in anything. But here I am.
I'm really upset about the mess our country is in right now. And what upsets me more is the way people are sleepwalking through it. Or being complacent about it. Or, like my mom, simply saying, "I can't worry about it because I can't do anything about it."
What's wrong with me that I can't numb out about it? What's wrong with me that I have to keep speaking, and talking and wondering what I CAN do? Why does it matter so much to me? It doesn't seem to matter to most people. Maybe I should make myself a martini shakerful and sit down in front of a video game or the Lifetime channel and then I won't FEEL, I won't FEEL...
Anyway.
Burned 600 calories at the gym this morning. Grateful that my foot felt good enough for me to do that. Grateful that I had my iPod with me and could listen to some wonderful tunes. So here's the morning music that fueled my workout:
1) That thing by Daft Punk that you'd recognize if you heard it...but I can't think of the name of it right now. Followed by that thing by Underworld that you'd recognize if you heard it.
2) A series of songs from Achtung Baby: "Tryin' to Throw Your Arms Around the World" "Mysterious Ways" "Until the End of the World" and the unparalleled "Even Better Than the Real Thing", which, although one of my most favorite songs ever, is a song I should never listen to, for reasons that I will keep to myself.
3) Elvis Costello's "What's So Funny 'bout Peace Love and Understanding" followed (shuffle must read my mood) by Sixousie and the Banshees' "Cities in Dust", "History Repeating" by the Propellerheads, and Living Colour's "Cult of Personality." GRRRRR
4) And on a lighter note, there was Prince's "Kiss" and Will Smith's "Gettin' Jiggy Wit' It".
Anyway. I'm off to grab some lunch and some office time, then back to the classroom for another round with the fun kids.
"Indifference is a trait that makes even the angels weep."--Cornel West
"Wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"-- Me
I'm really upset about the mess our country is in right now. And what upsets me more is the way people are sleepwalking through it. Or being complacent about it. Or, like my mom, simply saying, "I can't worry about it because I can't do anything about it."
What's wrong with me that I can't numb out about it? What's wrong with me that I have to keep speaking, and talking and wondering what I CAN do? Why does it matter so much to me? It doesn't seem to matter to most people. Maybe I should make myself a martini shakerful and sit down in front of a video game or the Lifetime channel and then I won't FEEL, I won't FEEL...
Anyway.
Burned 600 calories at the gym this morning. Grateful that my foot felt good enough for me to do that. Grateful that I had my iPod with me and could listen to some wonderful tunes. So here's the morning music that fueled my workout:
1) That thing by Daft Punk that you'd recognize if you heard it...but I can't think of the name of it right now. Followed by that thing by Underworld that you'd recognize if you heard it.
2) A series of songs from Achtung Baby: "Tryin' to Throw Your Arms Around the World" "Mysterious Ways" "Until the End of the World" and the unparalleled "Even Better Than the Real Thing", which, although one of my most favorite songs ever, is a song I should never listen to, for reasons that I will keep to myself.
3) Elvis Costello's "What's So Funny 'bout Peace Love and Understanding" followed (shuffle must read my mood) by Sixousie and the Banshees' "Cities in Dust", "History Repeating" by the Propellerheads, and Living Colour's "Cult of Personality." GRRRRR
4) And on a lighter note, there was Prince's "Kiss" and Will Smith's "Gettin' Jiggy Wit' It".
Anyway. I'm off to grab some lunch and some office time, then back to the classroom for another round with the fun kids.
"Indifference is a trait that makes even the angels weep."--Cornel West
"Wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"-- Me
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Jay
Today, all I know is I'm grateful for this:
To A F
Here I stand thanking this ma'am
Helping to show me who I am
Giving me a way to speak my mind
Writing about all the bad times
Critical of the errors that she would see
However, something she saw in me
Always putting up with my antics
Final paper, Time to panic
Opening my mind to a different side
Saying true feelings, one shouldn't hide
Always optimistic, and always fair
Showing the student that she cares
Providing the skills, letting me reach
A wonderful person, a wonderful teach
Thank you for presenting this world to me
All of my gratitude, I give Dr. Fee --Jay Blann
The kid who wrote this is an Iraq war veteran who lost his best friend over there. He came home from the war and got heavily into some nasty stuff. He took English 101 from me about 18 months ago. Despite being on the weed, he showed some talent and interest...and so I encouraged him to write about his experiences. Now he's clean and sober, working full time, and writing. What a blessing this little poem was...I had the crappiest day yesterday, but came home to find this on Facebook. Wow.
I'm really grateful for this.
To A F
Here I stand thanking this ma'am
Helping to show me who I am
Giving me a way to speak my mind
Writing about all the bad times
Critical of the errors that she would see
However, something she saw in me
Always putting up with my antics
Final paper, Time to panic
Opening my mind to a different side
Saying true feelings, one shouldn't hide
Always optimistic, and always fair
Showing the student that she cares
Providing the skills, letting me reach
A wonderful person, a wonderful teach
Thank you for presenting this world to me
All of my gratitude, I give Dr. Fee --Jay Blann
The kid who wrote this is an Iraq war veteran who lost his best friend over there. He came home from the war and got heavily into some nasty stuff. He took English 101 from me about 18 months ago. Despite being on the weed, he showed some talent and interest...and so I encouraged him to write about his experiences. Now he's clean and sober, working full time, and writing. What a blessing this little poem was...I had the crappiest day yesterday, but came home to find this on Facebook. Wow.
I'm really grateful for this.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Blue Monday
I don't want to feel blue. Honestly, I don't. But sometimes life gets to me. On the inside, I'm a happy person with a lot of love to give. Right now, however, I feel oppressed by circumstances. My financial situation really sucks with a capital SUCK. And because of that, other things get colored blue...my marriage, my friendships, my family relationships. I feel like I can't walk in the world with my head held high because of money. I really want things to change. I want to feel like I can be generous with time, money, and energy. I want to feel like I can take care of my life and to walk through life like an adult.
My friend Tawnya tells me that the key to change is to think more positively, and that through positive thinking, I'll effect the changes that I need to make. I'm trying it. I want to rise above what is to what CAN BE.
So today, I'm grateful for:
My friend Tawnya tells me that the key to change is to think more positively, and that through positive thinking, I'll effect the changes that I need to make. I'm trying it. I want to rise above what is to what CAN BE.
So today, I'm grateful for:
- the house I live in
- the little bit of money I have in the bank
- the job that lets me pay the bills
- the generosity of people around me
- the life I have
- the place I have in society
- the car I have
- the pups
- the decisions that I've made that have led me to this place
- that urge within me that lets me know that the best in life is still ahead of me
I can effect change in my life if I allow myself to believe I can.
Today's music:
dogs barking in the backyard, "Little Wing" by SRV, and "Desire" by U2.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Great weekend!
Had lots of fun this weekend with Beth and Donna. We saw Christine Lavin on Saturday night. I didn't know a thing about her before the show, but she's definitely won me over as a fan. Her brand of folk singing is whimsical and punny/funny, and her stage style is part cheerleader/part entertainer/part playful five year old. I loved the show. At one point, she was talking about people who have their birthdays near Christmas and how much that must suck. Well, before I could turn on my self-editing function, I called out to her "what about birthdays around Thanksgiving? That really sucks too." So the next thing I knew, she had called me up onstage with one other near-holiday-birthday woman, Claudia (Claudia's complaint was far more valid than mine...her birthday is Christmas Eve) and we were competing in a silly trivia contest which ended up with me winning a little gift bag and having the audience sing happy birthday to me. The irony is that we were there to celebrate BETH's birthday, not mine! LOL! So yeah, the Christine Lavin show was a hoot.
Today we had breakfast at the b&b and then headed to the Maryland Wine festival. Definitely lots of fun tasting the various Maryland wines, but soon after we got there, the festival got REALLY hot and sweaty and crowded and I started getting that claustrophobic feeling. Although I had a great time, I was glad to leave when we did.
Got back home to Grasonville at around 4 pm and have been doing house chores and getting ready for the week. Pat's not feeling well and so isn't in a great mood. That's been a bit of a mood deflater for me too. Ugh. I'm sure that part of whatever problems we might have in our marriage is that I have a tendency to not say or do the right thing at the right time. I could be nicer, I think. Maybe what it is is that sometime I just want things to be smooth, and right now, here at home, they almost never are.
Anyway. On to gratitudes:
"All I Have to Do is Dream"
Peter Frampton singing "Do You Feel Like I Do"
That "woo hoo" song that they play whenever the Ravens score...it got a workout today!
Today we had breakfast at the b&b and then headed to the Maryland Wine festival. Definitely lots of fun tasting the various Maryland wines, but soon after we got there, the festival got REALLY hot and sweaty and crowded and I started getting that claustrophobic feeling. Although I had a great time, I was glad to leave when we did.
Got back home to Grasonville at around 4 pm and have been doing house chores and getting ready for the week. Pat's not feeling well and so isn't in a great mood. That's been a bit of a mood deflater for me too. Ugh. I'm sure that part of whatever problems we might have in our marriage is that I have a tendency to not say or do the right thing at the right time. I could be nicer, I think. Maybe what it is is that sometime I just want things to be smooth, and right now, here at home, they almost never are.
Anyway. On to gratitudes:
- I am grateful for a nice weekend with dear, loving friends, good food, silly fun, and Christine Lavin...
- I am grateful for all the lovely people we met this weekend...
- I am grateful for the existence of the Utz Potato Chip factory, although I probably gained five pounds this weekend, in no small measure because of the salty goodies I ate at Utz...
- I am grateful that I made it back from the weekend without trouble...
- I am grateful that the Ravens won today (LOL) ...
That's all I can think of right now. Hey, at least I got some down, even though I'm feeling supremely grouchy.
Music of the day:"All I Have to Do is Dream"
Peter Frampton singing "Do You Feel Like I Do"
That "woo hoo" song that they play whenever the Ravens score...it got a workout today!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Gratitudes
In Hanover PA this morning with Beth and Donna. We're up here this weekend to celebrate Beth's birthday. Girly silly fun!
Today, I am grateful for:
My friends, without whom I'd be lost...
My dear loving friend Kathy, who is so talented that she could quickly whip up the graphics that now accompany my blog. Thank you hon!
Cool, clear mornings that let me know fall is coming...
Yummy, homemade sausage and french toast that melts in your mouth...
Off to explore!
Today's music:
Classical cascades playing on the b&b speakers
In my head: "Crystal"--New Order
Today, I am grateful for:
My friends, without whom I'd be lost...
My dear loving friend Kathy, who is so talented that she could quickly whip up the graphics that now accompany my blog. Thank you hon!
Cool, clear mornings that let me know fall is coming...
Yummy, homemade sausage and french toast that melts in your mouth...
Off to explore!
Today's music:
Classical cascades playing on the b&b speakers
In my head: "Crystal"--New Order
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Warriors Don't Cry, dammit
We're reading the book "Warriors Don't Cry" in my ENG 075 class. It's a memoir written by one of the Little Rock Nine students who were the first to integrate all-white Central High in Little Rock Arkansas in 1957.
The bravery of those teenagers is amazing to me. They had to face down prejudice from fellow students, from the media, from community adults, from state government, and from the Arkansas National Guard, for crying out loud! And they were all 14-17 years old at the time. I can't imagine being that brave and selfless at that young an age. But here they were, getting abused multiple times a day, in order to pave the way for integrated schools for all.
Damn people and their ignorant attitudes. Racism is such an ugly, ridiculous thing. Watching the little intro film I show before beginning to teach this book, I was again reminded about how ignorance can breed violence, how hatred can be passed on through the generations so easily, how words can leave scars.
Are things really so different today? Yes, we have racially integrated schools, but segregation still exists...race AND class-based segregation, predicated in large part on the way we fund our school systems. The use of the property tax to fund schools is ridiculous. Why should a fair, quality education be an accident of birth? Poor neighborhoods get schools that are inferior and violent, while schools in rich neighborhoods get the best of everything. Come on now...here in the greatest country on earth, we should be able to do better than that.
Warriors don't cry? Well, maybe they don't. But we should all cry for the fine minds that are perhaps being lost because we accept this unfairness as part of life in America. We should all cry that every child doesn't get to stand at the same place on life's starting line. We should cry that the message we send poor and minority children is that somehow, they aren't worth our time, effort, and money. I'm reminded of that old Bruce Hornsby song, "The Way It Is."
They say hey little boy you can't go
Where the others go
'Cause you don't look like they do
Said hey old man how can you stand
To think that way
Did you really think about it
Before you made the rules
He said, Son
That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is
But don't you believe them
I don't believe it. I don't believe that this is the way things have to be. I believe in the goodness of America's dream...that we can make things equal for everyone without shortchanging anyone. Since when is the American dream a zero-sum game? Some would say that in order for us to have a free-market economy, there have to be winners AND losers. I say...no dice. We're the wealthiest country in the world (although after this week's Wall Street fiasco, that might be up for debate). We should take care of ALL of our children and give them every advantage that our great nation has to offer. Dammit, this makes me mad. Children getting the short end of the stick because of color or class...or gender... just pisses me off. How do we all sleep at night, knowing that this is what goes on?
Bruce Hornsby...
Well they passed a law in '64
To give those who ain't got a little more
But it only goes so far
Because the law won't change another's mind
When all it sees at the hiring time
Is the line on the color bar
That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is
But don't you believe them
No. Hell no. Come on, we can do so much better.
Afternoon music:
"The Way It Is"--Bruce Hornsby and the Range
The bravery of those teenagers is amazing to me. They had to face down prejudice from fellow students, from the media, from community adults, from state government, and from the Arkansas National Guard, for crying out loud! And they were all 14-17 years old at the time. I can't imagine being that brave and selfless at that young an age. But here they were, getting abused multiple times a day, in order to pave the way for integrated schools for all.
Damn people and their ignorant attitudes. Racism is such an ugly, ridiculous thing. Watching the little intro film I show before beginning to teach this book, I was again reminded about how ignorance can breed violence, how hatred can be passed on through the generations so easily, how words can leave scars.
Are things really so different today? Yes, we have racially integrated schools, but segregation still exists...race AND class-based segregation, predicated in large part on the way we fund our school systems. The use of the property tax to fund schools is ridiculous. Why should a fair, quality education be an accident of birth? Poor neighborhoods get schools that are inferior and violent, while schools in rich neighborhoods get the best of everything. Come on now...here in the greatest country on earth, we should be able to do better than that.
Warriors don't cry? Well, maybe they don't. But we should all cry for the fine minds that are perhaps being lost because we accept this unfairness as part of life in America. We should all cry that every child doesn't get to stand at the same place on life's starting line. We should cry that the message we send poor and minority children is that somehow, they aren't worth our time, effort, and money. I'm reminded of that old Bruce Hornsby song, "The Way It Is."
They say hey little boy you can't go
Where the others go
'Cause you don't look like they do
Said hey old man how can you stand
To think that way
Did you really think about it
Before you made the rules
He said, Son
That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is
But don't you believe them
I don't believe it. I don't believe that this is the way things have to be. I believe in the goodness of America's dream...that we can make things equal for everyone without shortchanging anyone. Since when is the American dream a zero-sum game? Some would say that in order for us to have a free-market economy, there have to be winners AND losers. I say...no dice. We're the wealthiest country in the world (although after this week's Wall Street fiasco, that might be up for debate). We should take care of ALL of our children and give them every advantage that our great nation has to offer. Dammit, this makes me mad. Children getting the short end of the stick because of color or class...or gender... just pisses me off. How do we all sleep at night, knowing that this is what goes on?
Bruce Hornsby...
Well they passed a law in '64
To give those who ain't got a little more
But it only goes so far
Because the law won't change another's mind
When all it sees at the hiring time
Is the line on the color bar
That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is
But don't you believe them
No. Hell no. Come on, we can do so much better.
Afternoon music:
"The Way It Is"--Bruce Hornsby and the Range
Tests
So, yeah, I'm supposed to be marking tests now. I have 18 to mark before 2:30. So I'd better get to it. But I just wanted to take a minute to do my gratitudes:
I am grateful for my students, who make me think and who teach me more than I could ever teach them.
I am grateful for my coworkers, who are a chosen family of a kind. We all look out for each other, and it's good.
I am grateful for days that are not too hot...not too cold...just right. I am a Baby Bear.
I am grateful for options...
I am grateful to have been born an American!
I am grateful to have gotten an excellent education, during the course of which I was encouraged to THINK and to use my gifts.
I am grateful to now have a wonderful job that lets me help others, pays decently, and that allows me to have self-respect. I am grateful for this every single day.
Today's music:
"Big Time Sensuality"--Bjork
"Fast Cars" --U2
"The Fly"--U2
"Could You Be Loved?" --Bob Marley
"Flathead"--the Fratellis
"Crystal"--New Order
I am grateful for my students, who make me think and who teach me more than I could ever teach them.
I am grateful for my coworkers, who are a chosen family of a kind. We all look out for each other, and it's good.
I am grateful for days that are not too hot...not too cold...just right. I am a Baby Bear.
I am grateful for options...
I am grateful to have been born an American!
I am grateful to have gotten an excellent education, during the course of which I was encouraged to THINK and to use my gifts.
I am grateful to now have a wonderful job that lets me help others, pays decently, and that allows me to have self-respect. I am grateful for this every single day.
Today's music:
"Big Time Sensuality"--Bjork
"Fast Cars" --U2
"The Fly"--U2
"Could You Be Loved?" --Bob Marley
"Flathead"--the Fratellis
"Crystal"--New Order
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
How I spent the afternoon
I had fully intended to go to a local coffee shop, imbibe the caffeinated beverage, and mark the three sets of tests that I gave over the last couple of days. Instead, I put everything in the interior of my car into the trunk, put the top down, and went for a drive.
At first, I thought I'd head to the ocean. But really I didn't want to be gone that long, nor did I want to burn the gas. (The Mustang, while sweet and wild and beautiful, is also a gas hog of a girl.) So instead I headed north, through Centreville and Chestertown, up to Betterton in Kent County. I wanted to get a look at the beach up there and see what had become of what was, when I was a teeny somebody, a resort town.
Well, there's not much THERE there in Betterton. The beach is clean and lovely, to be sure, and there were a number of people taking a swim or sun break out there. But there's not much else to speak of in that tiny town. The post office is in a trailer, if that tells you anything. But I'm glad I went to see the place, because the ride there and back was lovely and helped me to adjust my attitude a bit.
On the way back I stopped to get some gas, bought a scratchie and won $20, stopped at a friend's coffee shop in Centreville, and then headed back to my place via the backroads. What a glorious day to ride through the Eastern Shore farm country, convertible top down, feeling the wind in my hair.
I saw not one, but two eagles while I was out there. Wonder what that means, or if it means anything at all.
Came home and did a spot of necessary cleaning, and then sat down to check e-mail and do this blogging. Guess I'll grade the papers tonight. I really needed the mini-vacation...and like all vacations, there's a part of me that wishes I could have stayed out there longer.
At first, I thought I'd head to the ocean. But really I didn't want to be gone that long, nor did I want to burn the gas. (The Mustang, while sweet and wild and beautiful, is also a gas hog of a girl.) So instead I headed north, through Centreville and Chestertown, up to Betterton in Kent County. I wanted to get a look at the beach up there and see what had become of what was, when I was a teeny somebody, a resort town.
Well, there's not much THERE there in Betterton. The beach is clean and lovely, to be sure, and there were a number of people taking a swim or sun break out there. But there's not much else to speak of in that tiny town. The post office is in a trailer, if that tells you anything. But I'm glad I went to see the place, because the ride there and back was lovely and helped me to adjust my attitude a bit.
On the way back I stopped to get some gas, bought a scratchie and won $20, stopped at a friend's coffee shop in Centreville, and then headed back to my place via the backroads. What a glorious day to ride through the Eastern Shore farm country, convertible top down, feeling the wind in my hair.
I saw not one, but two eagles while I was out there. Wonder what that means, or if it means anything at all.
Came home and did a spot of necessary cleaning, and then sat down to check e-mail and do this blogging. Guess I'll grade the papers tonight. I really needed the mini-vacation...and like all vacations, there's a part of me that wishes I could have stayed out there longer.
A new blog
It occurred to me this morning, as I am working my way through a bad mood and posting every fleeting thought in my head onto Twitter, that I need a blog. An honest to goodness place to record the things I think and dream about, as well as a spot where I can vent. That way, the Twitterworld can be spared my machine-gun postings.
I also wanted a place to post gratitudes. A couple of nights ago, I talked to one of my oldest friends, Tawnya. Tawnya is on her way back from a two week car journey out west, a trip she calls her "vision quest". One of the things that we talked about was voicing and showing gratitude for the blessings in one's life. And I realized that I could be more grateful. Or at least I could voice my gratitude more often.
So anyone who reads this will probably get an eyeful of all sorts of varia that will amuse, confuse, amaze, frighten, or simply nauseate. Read at your own risk.
Today's gratitudes:
Off to class in a minute. I'm giving a test, which means that I really don't have to do anything except proctor and make sure no one's helping him/herself to someone else's answers. Afterward, I'll go to the local coffee perk and grade papers, and maybe blog some more. Who knows.
Morning songs 9/17:
"Shut Your Eyes"--Snow Patrol
"Naked Eye"--Luscious Jackson
"Jump Around"--House of Pain
"Club Foot"--Kasabian
and the inimitable
"Drive That Fast"--Kitchens of Distinction
Love to you all. More later.
I also wanted a place to post gratitudes. A couple of nights ago, I talked to one of my oldest friends, Tawnya. Tawnya is on her way back from a two week car journey out west, a trip she calls her "vision quest". One of the things that we talked about was voicing and showing gratitude for the blessings in one's life. And I realized that I could be more grateful. Or at least I could voice my gratitude more often.
So anyone who reads this will probably get an eyeful of all sorts of varia that will amuse, confuse, amaze, frighten, or simply nauseate. Read at your own risk.
Today's gratitudes:
- I am grateful for my job, and for finding employment that allows me to be me, at least 75% of the time. I love teaching with every fiber of my being.
- I am grateful to have a home in a beautiful, relatively safe neighborhood with neighbors who look out for us.
- I am grateful for my family...people who love me unconditionally, even when it's hard to do.
- I am grateful for my husband, and for all the lessons I'm learning by loving you.
- I am grateful for my friends...my chosen family. I am so grateful to the handful of girlfriends that have stuck with me for years and years and eons.
- I am grateful for my four pups, who fill my days with love and who think I'm the most wonderful creature on earth.
- I am grateful for my smarts, which compensate for many other inadequacies.
- I am grateful for whatever it is within me that has allowed me to lose 104 pounds and counting.
Off to class in a minute. I'm giving a test, which means that I really don't have to do anything except proctor and make sure no one's helping him/herself to someone else's answers. Afterward, I'll go to the local coffee perk and grade papers, and maybe blog some more. Who knows.
Morning songs 9/17:
"Shut Your Eyes"--Snow Patrol
"Naked Eye"--Luscious Jackson
"Jump Around"--House of Pain
"Club Foot"--Kasabian
and the inimitable
"Drive That Fast"--Kitchens of Distinction
Love to you all. More later.
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